Weekend...

This weekend was an interesting one. After teaching on friday (which went well) I had to figure out some stuff for registration so I got that done which meant a late start getting home. I didn't get home here until 9:30ish.

Went to a concert last night with some friends which was great. It's my 5th time seeing this group and its always a good time. The venue it was at is so beautiful too. It's an old historic theater so it has all this gold work on the walls and padded fabric seats and everything. I just love going to shows there.

After the concert my friend who I was with got a chance to go back stage to meet the band. Her bf's mom was at the show and had a friend who knows the lead guitarist so they got free tickets to the show and backstage passes. She originally tried to sneak in my friend but ended up just giving her the pass to go in. I was mildly jealous I didn't get to go, but at the same time I was excited for my friend to get to go backstage for the after party. She said she had a great time.

After the concert I drove back home and then went back to my friends house to watch a movie. We ended up cuddling on her couch. Don't think too much about this because we're just friends. She has a bf anyway (who's in the military and stationed in alaska right now). We've been really good friends and have done this for a while now, we both know it's nothing more.

I fell asleep during the movie so when it ended I just came home and went back to bed...and now here I am since I just woke up =p

Oh and I apologized to Kyle for acting the way I did. I'm not really sorry but I figured it was the right thing to do. It turns out friday morning that his aunt who he was really closed to passed away unexpectedly. I had met her a couple times while hanging out with him but I didn't know her too well. I felt really bad for Kyle and we talked a bunch friday night. It turns out she worked with my dad a few years back. I feel bad cause I wont be able to go to calling hours or anything because of school, but I'm sure my dad will.

Thats about it. I've gotta finish my laundry and watch the Chelsea v ManU game...then I'm going back to college to work on a ton of work I have due this week =( ugh...wish me luck....

Conference...

This morning, well yesterday morning I woke up at 4:45 to get ready to go to the conference that my professor had asked me to go and present with him at. The conference was a statewide conference for migrant workers to educate them. Our presentation was on how they can make sure they are helping their kids stay physically active. All of our activities were geared towards pre-k to probably grade 3, but they could be easily adapted to older kids. Since there was only a few kids there (probably 10) we let the parents participate as well and they were having fun too.

My job was basically to have music ready to play during the activities. I met with my professor a couple of times this week to get some music from him, mainly music in Spanish (my professors first language) which I put on my ipod and then brought my bose dock to play it on. I was also supposed to teach an activity but since 90% of our audience was spanish speaking and didn't have on the translator's headset my professor decided to just do it all by himself.

Overall it was a great experience though. So many of these workers are low income families who aren't really highly educated at all, and so it was rewarding to show them how to include physical activity in their home, rather than just sitting their kids in front of a television like so many parents do today.

Also I got a chance to play with the kids there while my professor was presenting. It amazes me that even though these children spoke spanish and barely spoke english, games and play is able to be communicated across that barrier. At the end of the presentation we also had gift bags (all dollar store items: a soccer or football, a koosh ball, cones, jump rope, bubbles, etc) which we gave to the parents to take home.

Overall it was a very rewarding experience. It not only taught me that I need to educate not only the student but also the parents about how to be physically active, but it also showed me other things. I need to include music and technology in my teaching, in fact my professor suggested that I focus on that and try to sell myself in interviews as being able to incorporate those into my teaching. I also got to spend time with my professor and talk about school and other things, and he mentioned other opportunities to present with him in the future, which hopefully he'll want me to do. Overall it was just a good time, and something that I can definitely put on my resume for the future.

In other news, I talked to Matt for a while tonight. He didn't find his phone which sucks. I had to go for a while and then everything hit me. I think it may be because I was tired and I get emotional when I'm tired, but I just cried for a good 20 minutes tonight.

It was a combination of a bunch of things. For one I think the Kyle thing is bothering me. I mean I want to be over him so I should be happy we aren't really talking, but in the same sense I'm not over him so it hurts. I'm also just lonely, and it gets to me when I'm tired because I just want someone to cuddle and sleep next to. Which lead me to think about Matt.

I like Matt, but I'm torn. I know its pointless. He lives too far away and doesn't like me like that. But I can't help the fact that I like him and so I hate myself for liking him...its hard to describe.

Anyway I got back online and got talking to Matt again. I ended up telling Matt that I liked him. He said he wasn't surprised but he didn't like me because of the distance and because he said we've almost become too good of friends, to the point where he considers us family. Idk what to do, I mean I'll probably get over liking him, and I would rather be friends with him than nothing so I feel kinda foolish for telling him.

Oh well, I'm gonna go cause I gotta get up and work on a presentation for a class tomorrow morning and then teach in the afternoon before I go home for the weekend.

Hope everyones doing alright, love you all :)

Another Childish Moment

So Kyle and I have a mutual friend named Ryan. I'm honestly not sure if I mentioned him before or not. I think I did. Anyway for the longest time Kyle didn't know that Ryan and I were talking, so I used that to my advantage to find out if Kyle liked me. Anyway, eventually Kyle found we were friends on Facebook but I don't think he still understood how much we talked.

So today I guess Ryan told me that Kyle informed him he needed to delete me as a friend on facebook.

So Ryan who is a big boy needs to be told who he can and can't be friends with now?

And yet I'm the childish one? hahaha. I found this funny actually though. But I kinda want to send Kyle a message and just talk to him, but if he's going to act like this then I'm not so sure I want to talk to him at all.

The only thing that scares me is that he knows I'm bi and most people don't know...including mutual friends. So I feel like I should apologize because I don't want him to make a scene out of all of this.

I may have said something that wasn't the nicest, but it needed to be said so I'm not going to apologize really. I think I'm just going to say "hi" and see what he says.

Ugh..people's immaturity always seems to amaze me...

Other news...finally talked to Matt again tonight. He had his phone stolen and his mom wont buy him a new one so he's really down. With a single parent raising three kids I can kinda understand her not being able to afford a new phone too. Part of me wants to somehow send him money to buy a new phone, but I don't know if that would be alright. I just miss talking to him, and I know it would cheer him up. We'll see if he gets it back soon tho cause he's hoping its just at school somewhere and he didnt go to school today because both of his brothers are sick and his mom cant miss anymore work.

Who's the Giver? Who's the Receiver?

My Track and Field coach yesterday told the class "You need to sit down with your partner and figure out which one of you is better at giving, and which is better at receiving." It was enough to get a childish pervy chuckle from me.

Thanks to all those who actually take the time to post comments on my blog, it really does mean a lot to me. =)

I don't really have much to post about so this will be short, I just wanted to make an effort to post more often.

Yesterday was election day, and anyone in the US who happened to watch the news would know that one rural area had a congressional election that was pretty big. That area happens to be where I live (not where I go to school). I was happy to see the Democrat one which is great for us since we haven't had anything else but a conservative serve us for over 100 years.

Was upset to see that maine failed to reject the proposition to ban gay marriage. Again I think it was confusion on the part of the voters. A vote of yes was actually a vote against gay marriage and vice-versa.

I havent talked with Matty in a couple of days. I hope he's alright. I sent him a message (just a simple "hi") last night but he didn't reply. I havent seen him online at all either which may mean his mom took away his phone for something he did. He also said he felt like he was getting sick the other day so maybe he's sick too. I might call him tonight to see how he's doing.

Going to a concert this weekend with a couple of friends so that should be fun...

Alright I gotta go get some work done...ugh... have to wake up at 5:00am tomorrow too to go to a conference and present with my professor. It should be a good experience for me though and is something I can use on my resume as a presenter.

Alright thats about all I got for now...

I Guess I'm Childish

Ugh, so I've been stressed with the amount of work I have for school. It seems like everything is due right about now or the next couple of weeks. Also all the stuff I've put off by procrastinating is due now. I'm getting it done though.

Halloween weekend was mixed emotionally for me I guess. I went home for it because one of my friends was having a party. The party itself was alright. I didn't drink at all, I was probably one of three people who didn't. I got to see some friends that I haven't seen in a while which was nice, but they were all trashed so probably don't even remember. It wasn't the non-drinking that was lame either, I didn't mind it, and I loved the fact that I felt well rested after this weekend. I might keep this whole non-drinking thing for a while.

Before the party though on Halloween I went out to lunch with Kyle. This was interesting for me cause I hadn't seen him in a while and I wasn't sure if I still had feelings for him because of everything thats been developing with Matty.

Turns out I don't really. It was fun hanging out with him, don't get me wrong but when he brought up his ex it didn't bother me at all this time, in fact I kinda felt sorry for him because he just wants attention which is why he keeps talking about his ex. He'll never get his ex because his ex has said he doesnt want him and has moved on, and if he's really still in love with him then I guess I should still feel sorry for him. I think his ex just tells him that he might give him another chance because he's either playing games with him or just doesn't want to hurt him completely.

After I got back from lunch, which was later in the afternoon, little kids were already starting to trick-or-treat, so I decided to put my costume on for my party to give out candy. I dressed up as a penguin and the kids loved it. One kid got scared a little and then yelled "I'm going to get you penguin!" which made me laugh. It was probably the highlight of my day.

That and talking to matty more :) Although we didn't get to talk much because he was going out with some friends for halloween, but they ended up ditching him to go to a party and drink (which he's not really into either) so he ended up renting a couple movies and getting pizza for him and his little brothers. I really love the way he treats them, he's such a loving and caring brother. =)

Sunday I just layed around the house most of the morning and did laundry I brought home. Then watched some football and drove back to college.

To get back to Kyle, I realized that the only time he sends me a message is when he wants to complain about something. It's never a "hey hows it going?" or "whats up?" in fact, I don't think he's ever asked me that in any convo regardless of who started it. So today when he sent me a message was no different. He started complaining about his ex again and how he was hurt by him...again.

Maybe it's because of Matt and my loss of interest in Kyle, or maybe I've just had enough. But I replied back with "seriously when are you going to stop letting your ex play games with you?"

I guess he didn't want to hear it. For the next half hour we pretty much argued. He replied to that message by saying something like "Seriously when are you going to keep your mouth shut and stop contradicting every thing I say." Which made no sense to me so I asked him what he meant and he replied by saying I act childish. Mainly over our friend who has the "boyfriend" that no one has met or talked to (other than texting thru the friends phone) and that one night when he told kyle that he was hanging out at his bfs house and then I saw him hanging out with other people in my town. He said I was childish for not believing that he really had a bf, that he was just making it up to try and get Kyle jealous.

All I replied with was "Yepp, I'm the childish one here" and he said "we're done here..." and I didn't bother sending anything else back. I think I'm done talking to him for a while.

So yeah, we'll see what happens. And tonight was the first night in almost three weeks that I didn't talk to Matt much =/. But I did catch up with some other people online which was nice =)

So I've had an up and down weekend/beginning of the week. Alright gotta go do a little more hw before I go to bed.

New Boy?

So I was watching a downloaded copy of Paranormal Activity (I probably shouldn't mention that so shhhh...its not like I share it, just download it watch it and then delete it...i even click the unshare button as soon as its done downloading) but I realized that I really haven't posted in a while so I stopped the movie to post.

I'll try to make more posts, more often but they may not be as long. So that is all... jk :p

So I mentioned before that I'm talking to a new guy. so I'll explain him to you guys a little.


I met him on an online site for younger gays in a chat room back a few weeks ago. My college was on a long weekend and I didnt go home so I was bored and no one was around so I got on there. We kinda hit it off and since then we've been talking through MSN, texting and on the phone. We text pretty much most of the day and then talk at least once a day. It's weird, I don't like talking on the phone much, but I could spend all day on the phone with him.

We have a lot in common but at the same time we don't have too much in common. Like there's definitely some differences in us, but I kinda like that. It takes convos away from "so I went to the mall today, and I did this...and this..." (which I can't stand) and makes the convos more interesting. He has some great passions that I find myself wanting to learn more, not just cause he likes them, but because they are genuinely interesting.

But as with everything, its not perfect with him.

First of all he's younger than me, by a few years...we're not talking illegal or anything so don't worry, but he is still in high school and I'm in college so idk, but he told me age is just a number to him, and my brother is dating a girl right now who is almost double the difference if we were together.

Second, as with a lot of people you meet online, he doesn't live near me at all. He lives in the states like me, but theres 2 hrs difference in time. As far as that goes, and the age kinda, it doesn't really matter right now because we're just friends. I'm smart enough to know that a relationship with someone halfway across our big country isn't really gonna work to easily.

Finally, he's in love with a guy he can't have. I know, I know, sounds a lot like Kyle again, but at least with Matt (yup sorry never mentioned the name before) he admits that maybe going after the guy isn't best for him, and he actually acts like he enjoys talking to me.

Like with Kyle, I always sent the first message, and with Matt it's kinda even between us, and Kyle didn't like talking on the phone at all, and I'm pretty sure Matt does (we've been talking the last hour and a half and he's calling me back in 15 minutes lol)

I'm sure I'll mention Matt more, and he's def someone that I would be willing to meet in the future.

In other news, back to Kyle a little. It's weird, I start to get over Kyle and almost ignore him a little and he starts acting like he likes me and wants to talk to me more. I think he just wants attention which he knew I was willing to give before even if he wouldn't commit to anything, and now he's missing it.

College is college, it's busy theres a ton of work and I'm kinda sick of it, but it still kinda scares me that in a year i'll be almost done and teaching and well I dont really want to grow up yet lol

I went out this weekend for my friends birthday, I felt bad because not many people showed up at the party for him, but he didn't really care (well he did but didn't show it really) because he was really drunk.... this lead to me being really drunk, which ended up with me getting into some trouble at the end of the night. I don't think its anything too serious yet, but it's kinda opened up my eyes a little. I'm not gonna drink for a while I don't think. Its expensive and I don't like how I act while drunk, so I'm just going to hang out with friends and be sober for a little...

So life is having its ups and downs, but I'm dealing with it. I know going into a field working with children is good for me, I'm not sure if I'll stick with P.E. or move into just general elementary education, but during the downs I've really enjoyed working with the kids I am right now, and I've realized that I really am just good at it. I can't really explain it.

I'm gonna end this here cause I'm getting another call soon and I want to get ready for bed first. Hope everyone else is doing alright and I'll try to post more often.

Ahhh! so busy...

Sorry its taken me so long to get back on here and post. This week has been pretty busy with school work but luckily I've turned in all the stuff that's due this week so I have a couple of days to relax a little more. My schedule is also a little bit clearer too. My one lab that was monday and wednesdays is now over with for the semester so that means I only have two classes on wednesday.

I've also been busy because I've kinda been talking to a new guy, and I kinda feel myself liking him a lot. I don't know if its the whole novelty thing of someone new or what. But like all good things, theres some downfalls to this guy too. I'll post about him sometime soon. Unfortunately, like posting here, I havent had much time to talk to Kyle, but he hasn't really made the effort to talk to me so idk. I'm not too worried there. (And as I wrote this, Kyle texted me...strange...)

Ok lets go back to finishing off what I wanted to talk about with the post I wrote about Amanda.
_________

After Amanda died I kinda withdrew myself from my friends for a few weeks, until I realized that Emily needed support most of all. After all her and Amanda were best friends, and although I was close to Amanda, I couldn't imagine what it would be like losing someone i've known all my life and someone who was best friends with me.

Like I said, I was going through a rough time too so I didn't mind going and hanging out with Amanda. Many times it was just sitting in her room talking or just watching tv, nothing really exciting.

We kept hanging out more and more though and so I eventually felt myself getting closer to Emily, which I kinda liked. I wasn't in anyway trying to get close to her while she was in a time of need, it just kinda happened.

That is until we just stopped talking and hanging out. It started when the summer came. I decided not to return to work with them at the grocery store/ice cream place. My boss also passed away the summer before and so with her and Amanda gone it was just too weird there. Emily did go back though, and because I was still working my other job (and another job once in a while) we didn't really see each other much.

We would say we wanted to hang out but we never would actually make the plans. It got to the point where we actually stopped talking altogether for a good couple months. When I did talk to her again she told me that it got too hard for her, because she felt herself falling for me but didn't want to get to close to me because she just lost someone she was close to and didn't want that to happen again.


But within a month I found out she was dating another guy and was "in love" with him. I didn't get too upset by it, I guess in a way I figured it was good she had support from this guy, and I'm sure she wasn't going to get into a relationship she didn't really feel was right.

And by support for her, I mean he cheated on her.

First of all I don't understand cheating at all, but then again I've never cheated. Second of all, how could you cheat on someone and risk hurting them when they lost their best friend less than a year ago? What killed me the most was that she would say things like "even though he cheated on me, I forgive him, because I feel that Amanda has brought us together so I'm going to stay with him."

Eventually they did break up, at the end of this summer. I saw Emily a couple times this summer, we once again talked about just hanging out, but again nothing happened.

Finally a few weeks ago I sent her a message cause something reminded me of her (don't remember what it was) and she replied. She said she felt bad that we never got to hang out and so we set it up to go out to dinner when I came home that next weekend (The date I mentioned before).

Well I went home and she got stuck at work the first night I was home which was fine I guess. Then the next night I got called into work because my boss from the summer is having medical problems and they need people to work. I worked at the wedding the next night and then returned Sunday so we never got to hang out.

So I guess the next time I come home we're going out to dinner. I think things are different now (meaning we arent just saying we are going to hang out and then not) because we've actually made the plans and she's said she wants to get back to how things were before everything went down.

Who knows what will happen I guess...