What to do...

Ugh, this has been the week from hell...actually its going on the month of hell because I have so much on my calendar for school work, etc. But I get to go home Tuesday morning for thanksgiving which will be nice, just to get away from school for a few days.

I really feel kind of bad for not posting, but I don't really get comments anymore, but that's okay. I mean I love comments and I appreciate those who do leave them for me...but like i've said before i still post to get things off my chest and so Idk maybe I can give inspiration to other people like they've given me through their blogs.

I'm on the most messed up schedule....I get probably 3 or 4 hours of sleep at night...then I go to classes and then I take a nap for 3 or 4 hours. It just sucks because I wish I could go to sleep at a normal time and get up and feel refreshed. Oh well could be worse I guess...

I finally got my check from the U.S.of A.'s government. Yup I sold my soul for money. Basically I get free money as long as I agree to teach for 4 years at a low income school, which isn't too bad at all.

Now that I have money I'm going to pay off my credit card, buy christmas gifts for my family and a few close friends (don't know about Kyle because well, idk...) and then I'm not sure what I'm going to do. But I do have some ideas:

1) I want to go on a trip to...Denver...suprise suprise lol. No I'd really like to meet Matty but I don't know if I really want to go now or wait til spring sometime to go.

2) I want to get another Tattoo. Winter time is a smart time for me to get it too because you cant go out in the sun or go swimming while you have it. With this break coming up from school it would allow me to let it heal properly too. I have an idea. I want to get a tattoo that is like a memorial for my close friend who died that I mentioned before, and also the other members of my family and friends who have died too early. It wouldn't have names or anything but I'm thinking of a dove...sounds dumb, but if I decide to do it I'll post pictures of what my ideas are.

3) Buy some new cymbals for my drumset. I cracked one this summer, and I havent had time to play much so I haven't bought a replacement one. They're all getting warn out so I could probably use some replacement ones. This could be useful as I'll mention in a second.

4) Invest it...I wouldnt put too much into investing right now. But I will say I invested some money about a year ago when the market was really hurting and I ended making double what I invested so far. But I'm not even close to knowing what I'm doing with the money.

Finally:
5) Go to a casino and play some poker. I used to play poker a lot and make money doing it. Again this wouldn't be a ton of money, and it's been a while since I've last played but it is a way to make more money, plus its fun.

Any other suggestions?

About the drums, I decided to join the rock and blues ensemble on campus for next semester. I just want to play drums again, I miss it. So between that and (hopefully after auditions) playing in the pit band for the schools production of RENT, I can put the cymbals to good use. Idk...

But yeah my 1 year birthday blog post is coming up soon and I didn't think I would do anything for it, but I may....idk cause its the day I go home for thanksgiving break but I may be able to find time somewhere to do something special.

Alright I'm going to go try to go to bed. Have a good weekend everyone.

16 Days and Counting

So I've gotten more followers by posting than by not posting...Whats up with that? Maybe I should just let my blog sit here and not post at all. But really, thank you to all the people who follow me and comment me.

Its a little over a week from when it will be one year that i've had a blog (give or take the month that I took off during the summer when life got to be too much again). I doubt I'll do anything special, maybe I'll just post more often.

College is coming down to the final stretch this semester. I only have 16 more class days left. Also I think all the finals I have to take are on the first day of finals which means I should be home around the 15th and that will give me more than a month off from school. Which I really need right now.

I've come to the conclusion right now that everyone is hooking up and getting some but me. Even the people I'd least expect to have someone has somebody their at least sleeping with. But then again I don't want just sex at all. I want a solid committed relationship with someone I'm into. The only problem with that is that I'm far too busy to be able to manage that and put the effort I would want to put into that right now. So I guess looking at it that way I'm not unhappy about being single...just a little lonely sometimes.

Matty got a new phone this weekend which is cool. I've been texting him more again and hopefully we'll get back to talking soon. I really do miss it. I don't think I've felt so connected to someone far away before. The distance really does suck though.

Kyle is talking to me here and there. He added me as a friend on facebook again which means he doesnt hate me. I dont know what to do with him though. I know if I hang back out with him I'll probably like him again but I don't want to just cut him out of my life. I like hanging out with him...I can be me.

School work has killed me, I had a busy week this past week and this week will be too. BUT the week after is thanksgiving break where I get to go home for an extra couple days.

Oh and I registered for classes for next semester. I'm happy with my schedule, only have to get up real early two days a week. I have fridays off which means I might get a job to make some money or go home often like I did this semester and monday i dont start classes until 11 so really I could sleep at home thursday, friday, saturday, and sunday. I dont know why but I always sleep better at home.

Oh and I'm getting SCUBA certified for one class, which will be amazing. I've always wanted to go diving, its one of the things on my "bucket list" maybe I'll post that someday.

Sorry I feel like this is a long post about nothing important. Oh well. I'm gonna go jump in the shower (wanna join? :P) and then get some of the massive pile of work i have to do done.

And as always check out my twitter account because I post more there than I do here.

Weekend...

This weekend was an interesting one. After teaching on friday (which went well) I had to figure out some stuff for registration so I got that done which meant a late start getting home. I didn't get home here until 9:30ish.

Went to a concert last night with some friends which was great. It's my 5th time seeing this group and its always a good time. The venue it was at is so beautiful too. It's an old historic theater so it has all this gold work on the walls and padded fabric seats and everything. I just love going to shows there.

After the concert my friend who I was with got a chance to go back stage to meet the band. Her bf's mom was at the show and had a friend who knows the lead guitarist so they got free tickets to the show and backstage passes. She originally tried to sneak in my friend but ended up just giving her the pass to go in. I was mildly jealous I didn't get to go, but at the same time I was excited for my friend to get to go backstage for the after party. She said she had a great time.

After the concert I drove back home and then went back to my friends house to watch a movie. We ended up cuddling on her couch. Don't think too much about this because we're just friends. She has a bf anyway (who's in the military and stationed in alaska right now). We've been really good friends and have done this for a while now, we both know it's nothing more.

I fell asleep during the movie so when it ended I just came home and went back to bed...and now here I am since I just woke up =p

Oh and I apologized to Kyle for acting the way I did. I'm not really sorry but I figured it was the right thing to do. It turns out friday morning that his aunt who he was really closed to passed away unexpectedly. I had met her a couple times while hanging out with him but I didn't know her too well. I felt really bad for Kyle and we talked a bunch friday night. It turns out she worked with my dad a few years back. I feel bad cause I wont be able to go to calling hours or anything because of school, but I'm sure my dad will.

Thats about it. I've gotta finish my laundry and watch the Chelsea v ManU game...then I'm going back to college to work on a ton of work I have due this week =( ugh...wish me luck....

Conference...

This morning, well yesterday morning I woke up at 4:45 to get ready to go to the conference that my professor had asked me to go and present with him at. The conference was a statewide conference for migrant workers to educate them. Our presentation was on how they can make sure they are helping their kids stay physically active. All of our activities were geared towards pre-k to probably grade 3, but they could be easily adapted to older kids. Since there was only a few kids there (probably 10) we let the parents participate as well and they were having fun too.

My job was basically to have music ready to play during the activities. I met with my professor a couple of times this week to get some music from him, mainly music in Spanish (my professors first language) which I put on my ipod and then brought my bose dock to play it on. I was also supposed to teach an activity but since 90% of our audience was spanish speaking and didn't have on the translator's headset my professor decided to just do it all by himself.

Overall it was a great experience though. So many of these workers are low income families who aren't really highly educated at all, and so it was rewarding to show them how to include physical activity in their home, rather than just sitting their kids in front of a television like so many parents do today.

Also I got a chance to play with the kids there while my professor was presenting. It amazes me that even though these children spoke spanish and barely spoke english, games and play is able to be communicated across that barrier. At the end of the presentation we also had gift bags (all dollar store items: a soccer or football, a koosh ball, cones, jump rope, bubbles, etc) which we gave to the parents to take home.

Overall it was a very rewarding experience. It not only taught me that I need to educate not only the student but also the parents about how to be physically active, but it also showed me other things. I need to include music and technology in my teaching, in fact my professor suggested that I focus on that and try to sell myself in interviews as being able to incorporate those into my teaching. I also got to spend time with my professor and talk about school and other things, and he mentioned other opportunities to present with him in the future, which hopefully he'll want me to do. Overall it was just a good time, and something that I can definitely put on my resume for the future.

In other news, I talked to Matt for a while tonight. He didn't find his phone which sucks. I had to go for a while and then everything hit me. I think it may be because I was tired and I get emotional when I'm tired, but I just cried for a good 20 minutes tonight.

It was a combination of a bunch of things. For one I think the Kyle thing is bothering me. I mean I want to be over him so I should be happy we aren't really talking, but in the same sense I'm not over him so it hurts. I'm also just lonely, and it gets to me when I'm tired because I just want someone to cuddle and sleep next to. Which lead me to think about Matt.

I like Matt, but I'm torn. I know its pointless. He lives too far away and doesn't like me like that. But I can't help the fact that I like him and so I hate myself for liking him...its hard to describe.

Anyway I got back online and got talking to Matt again. I ended up telling Matt that I liked him. He said he wasn't surprised but he didn't like me because of the distance and because he said we've almost become too good of friends, to the point where he considers us family. Idk what to do, I mean I'll probably get over liking him, and I would rather be friends with him than nothing so I feel kinda foolish for telling him.

Oh well, I'm gonna go cause I gotta get up and work on a presentation for a class tomorrow morning and then teach in the afternoon before I go home for the weekend.

Hope everyones doing alright, love you all :)

Another Childish Moment

So Kyle and I have a mutual friend named Ryan. I'm honestly not sure if I mentioned him before or not. I think I did. Anyway for the longest time Kyle didn't know that Ryan and I were talking, so I used that to my advantage to find out if Kyle liked me. Anyway, eventually Kyle found we were friends on Facebook but I don't think he still understood how much we talked.

So today I guess Ryan told me that Kyle informed him he needed to delete me as a friend on facebook.

So Ryan who is a big boy needs to be told who he can and can't be friends with now?

And yet I'm the childish one? hahaha. I found this funny actually though. But I kinda want to send Kyle a message and just talk to him, but if he's going to act like this then I'm not so sure I want to talk to him at all.

The only thing that scares me is that he knows I'm bi and most people don't know...including mutual friends. So I feel like I should apologize because I don't want him to make a scene out of all of this.

I may have said something that wasn't the nicest, but it needed to be said so I'm not going to apologize really. I think I'm just going to say "hi" and see what he says.

Ugh..people's immaturity always seems to amaze me...

Other news...finally talked to Matt again tonight. He had his phone stolen and his mom wont buy him a new one so he's really down. With a single parent raising three kids I can kinda understand her not being able to afford a new phone too. Part of me wants to somehow send him money to buy a new phone, but I don't know if that would be alright. I just miss talking to him, and I know it would cheer him up. We'll see if he gets it back soon tho cause he's hoping its just at school somewhere and he didnt go to school today because both of his brothers are sick and his mom cant miss anymore work.

Who's the Giver? Who's the Receiver?

My Track and Field coach yesterday told the class "You need to sit down with your partner and figure out which one of you is better at giving, and which is better at receiving." It was enough to get a childish pervy chuckle from me.

Thanks to all those who actually take the time to post comments on my blog, it really does mean a lot to me. =)

I don't really have much to post about so this will be short, I just wanted to make an effort to post more often.

Yesterday was election day, and anyone in the US who happened to watch the news would know that one rural area had a congressional election that was pretty big. That area happens to be where I live (not where I go to school). I was happy to see the Democrat one which is great for us since we haven't had anything else but a conservative serve us for over 100 years.

Was upset to see that maine failed to reject the proposition to ban gay marriage. Again I think it was confusion on the part of the voters. A vote of yes was actually a vote against gay marriage and vice-versa.

I havent talked with Matty in a couple of days. I hope he's alright. I sent him a message (just a simple "hi") last night but he didn't reply. I havent seen him online at all either which may mean his mom took away his phone for something he did. He also said he felt like he was getting sick the other day so maybe he's sick too. I might call him tonight to see how he's doing.

Going to a concert this weekend with a couple of friends so that should be fun...

Alright I gotta go get some work done...ugh... have to wake up at 5:00am tomorrow too to go to a conference and present with my professor. It should be a good experience for me though and is something I can use on my resume as a presenter.

Alright thats about all I got for now...

I Guess I'm Childish

Ugh, so I've been stressed with the amount of work I have for school. It seems like everything is due right about now or the next couple of weeks. Also all the stuff I've put off by procrastinating is due now. I'm getting it done though.

Halloween weekend was mixed emotionally for me I guess. I went home for it because one of my friends was having a party. The party itself was alright. I didn't drink at all, I was probably one of three people who didn't. I got to see some friends that I haven't seen in a while which was nice, but they were all trashed so probably don't even remember. It wasn't the non-drinking that was lame either, I didn't mind it, and I loved the fact that I felt well rested after this weekend. I might keep this whole non-drinking thing for a while.

Before the party though on Halloween I went out to lunch with Kyle. This was interesting for me cause I hadn't seen him in a while and I wasn't sure if I still had feelings for him because of everything thats been developing with Matty.

Turns out I don't really. It was fun hanging out with him, don't get me wrong but when he brought up his ex it didn't bother me at all this time, in fact I kinda felt sorry for him because he just wants attention which is why he keeps talking about his ex. He'll never get his ex because his ex has said he doesnt want him and has moved on, and if he's really still in love with him then I guess I should still feel sorry for him. I think his ex just tells him that he might give him another chance because he's either playing games with him or just doesn't want to hurt him completely.

After I got back from lunch, which was later in the afternoon, little kids were already starting to trick-or-treat, so I decided to put my costume on for my party to give out candy. I dressed up as a penguin and the kids loved it. One kid got scared a little and then yelled "I'm going to get you penguin!" which made me laugh. It was probably the highlight of my day.

That and talking to matty more :) Although we didn't get to talk much because he was going out with some friends for halloween, but they ended up ditching him to go to a party and drink (which he's not really into either) so he ended up renting a couple movies and getting pizza for him and his little brothers. I really love the way he treats them, he's such a loving and caring brother. =)

Sunday I just layed around the house most of the morning and did laundry I brought home. Then watched some football and drove back to college.

To get back to Kyle, I realized that the only time he sends me a message is when he wants to complain about something. It's never a "hey hows it going?" or "whats up?" in fact, I don't think he's ever asked me that in any convo regardless of who started it. So today when he sent me a message was no different. He started complaining about his ex again and how he was hurt by him...again.

Maybe it's because of Matt and my loss of interest in Kyle, or maybe I've just had enough. But I replied back with "seriously when are you going to stop letting your ex play games with you?"

I guess he didn't want to hear it. For the next half hour we pretty much argued. He replied to that message by saying something like "Seriously when are you going to keep your mouth shut and stop contradicting every thing I say." Which made no sense to me so I asked him what he meant and he replied by saying I act childish. Mainly over our friend who has the "boyfriend" that no one has met or talked to (other than texting thru the friends phone) and that one night when he told kyle that he was hanging out at his bfs house and then I saw him hanging out with other people in my town. He said I was childish for not believing that he really had a bf, that he was just making it up to try and get Kyle jealous.

All I replied with was "Yepp, I'm the childish one here" and he said "we're done here..." and I didn't bother sending anything else back. I think I'm done talking to him for a while.

So yeah, we'll see what happens. And tonight was the first night in almost three weeks that I didn't talk to Matt much =/. But I did catch up with some other people online which was nice =)

So I've had an up and down weekend/beginning of the week. Alright gotta go do a little more hw before I go to bed.